cigarettes'n'stuff

isn't it great how we're so prone to addiction.
we're so good at just getting hooked on things and buying into them to the point where we hand our lives over to them, the things.
and then one day, after a longass time of devoting all your time and resources to the thing, you stop and look back over it all and say to yourself, "did i seriously just do that?"

and who ever knows until it's way too effin' late whether it was worth it or not.
i'm one of those irritatingly content people who can usually swing any thing to seem like it was worth something in the end.
i just spent a week on a paper that i do not give a rat's sweet behind about. was that worth it? mmm probably not. i didn't really learn anything i didn't already know. except some stuff about chairs and ancient marriage customs. however, i did take a break tonight and write a few letters. i'm much happier about the 20 minutes i spent writing letters than i am about the week i spent writing that paper. i just spent 5 years and i don't even want to think about how much money on a degree. but i'm pretty sure it's useful for the most part. but there was definitely a lot of wasted time in there.
but i think i have a tendency to save up wasted time like toxic materials i'm waiting to detonate to make a really good point about something someday. so it probably works itself out.