you got so much love in you

you got so much love in you
i'm amazed that i'm talkin' to you...

--Bryce Avary (The Rocket Summer)

i have a friend who's on a journey right now. but it's one of those journeys where you have to stay in one place to take it. i admire his perseverence though, because if i ever knew a wanderer, it was him.

we write each other often, and in his last letter he pondered beauty--not the kind you can see with your eyes but the True beauty that happens beneath all that. it reminded me of something i think of often and have been coming across in a lot of books i've been reading lately. we spoke of beauty only the Spirit can sense and i marvelled all over again that there is a convergence that goes unseen--the way the very Spirit of God can dwell in two different bodies and communicate with itself--commune with itself--between us.

can you even imagine the magic that is happening when we speak? can you see it in their eyes??
i realize being indwelt by the Spirit and the imago dei are different things, but all the same--both are indescribable. when is the last time you sensed your self had drifted away with the self of another and the Spirit richly drew itself into itself between an expanse as small as a few words? have you? wow i don't know if i have--that could be amazing! i hope this doesn't sound all sci-fi or something...i just mean to say that wouldn't it be crazy if we actually bothered to let the Spirit dwell richly in and among us??

i've been looking at people lately.
as long as i can remember, i never really did that. i'm not a people-looker (and most of the time they drive me nuts--when you can feel someone looking at you, like in the passenger seat of a car you're driving...annoying!) but...well it's also because i'm nearsighted and i just honestly can't see folks who aren't in my immediate line of vision so well.
but lately...i've been looking. i was just looking into the eyes of a man on a page, just a normal man, and he was smiling a smile that has slept outside a few too many nights and missed a few too many meals...and i lost my breath. because just there...in the dim twinkle of his right eye...was my Lord.



"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."


--Mt. 25:31-46

the bed bugs

so when i finally acknowledge and accept my blog neglect, i am drawn back in.
(it's only because i feel like agonizing and deliberating over ridiculous things and i know no one wants to hear it in actual-life.)

so i'm a pretty low-maintenance / resourceful kinda girl, right--i "have" a cell phone but i don't know where it is most of the time (and i pretty much only use it for a clock anyways)...if you asked me to name my Top 5 Essential-to-my-Existence belongings i probably couldn't think of 5...i don't worry about things most people could have a hernia over at any given moment...i can usually make something out of nothing...i adapt fast...and i can sleep on any given surface.

okay so that last one is still true, but the thing is that my mom always couldn't believe how i slept on this wretched little rock-hard bed i had since i was a kid (kept me in good shape for sleeping on crappy dorm beds through college!)...so she secretly bought me a new bed last summer. disaster! so now i'm spoiled from sleeping on a super comfy bed for a year and the time has come to probably leave it behind...and that's hard! i'm totally prepared to prune away any of my personal possessions as i jaunt off into a simpler and sillier life...but my dear bed...it's the only one i've really come to love! it's my sanctuary. and that sounds completely dumb. but it is. it is the home for my cozy blankies and piles of pillows and overactive head, and a very versatile vessel indeed.

but then, i can hardly say any of this when i consider the one verse that has infected me in a way i can't even articulate...

"Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." --Matt. 8:20

not that i take this scripture so literally, (but sometimes it is part literal, and that simple part is the hardest part. y'know?) but when i honestly think about it, i could really care less and i would almost prefer sleeping in some corner or on an air mattress. in theory. hahahah. maybe it's psychological. 'cause mostly everything in my life is based on practicality (for example, today i wanted to wear my favorite jeans..but i had cut them off into halfpants for camp..but now it's cold..so i put on some knee-high polka-dot socks. i'm warm. but i look like an idiot. most of the time, warm trumps attractive.) so i suppose this nice comfy bed represents the only "extravagant" thing in my otherwise functional-fanatical life? i guess it's nice to have something...nice.

oh my gosh, i am the most ridiculous person i know. i hope no one is reading this. bahahah.
i miss the days when i said stuff that mattered.
i feel like an 8 year old lately. stating the obvious and wondering over obscure aspects of life.

gah. oh well.
anyone else have a "bed" they're having trouble parting with?

invitation to the future

in lieu of engaging blogs, i would like you to pretend all these empty days i should've been filling with great ideas and words were in reality filled with exciting walks and intriguing talks and a thousand laughs, alright?

because in all honesty, my words all left me to go find better company, and i just wish i could paint over blank days with brilliant presence.

in good time there will be lively frames for these silly speech bubbles to sit in. and you're cordially invited to join me in them.

until then!