not much

i work all day / i work all night
i am an automated girl
in an automatic world.

hahah.

but anyways, yah, it's commonplace for me to find myself acting like a machine lately.
i really do work a lot...2 jobs...hiring and training a new manager to replace me at the shop at the same time i supervise/wrangle a crew of semi-lost and fatally lethargic high school kids at the restaurant...which combines into one epic lack of anything very interesting to say.

i've taken to watching old movies in the middle of the night to remind myself what relationships (however fabricated) look like. but i'm not complaining--this is the first time in several years i've had to devote to mere mechanical performance, free of the yoke of education and expectation--it feels utterly delightful. (i won't lie though, i often carve out time at the shop or in the night-time for reading and i know i'm observing and theorizing--although not to my own stratospheric self-imposed standards--pretty much all the time...)

if all goes well, i may take the month of november off.
i've decided to decide between two challenges as i enter the upcoming "BC phase":
i am either going to
a) focus on relationships and love and vulnerability and all the human junk i back-burner
or
b) focus on avoiding other people for the most part and delving deep into the neglected caverns of myself

maybe a combo. b then a. yes. it's decided.