Ladies and Gentlemen

I wish I could be a guy for a week. Or maybe be a series of different guys over the course of a week. I would like to perceive the world from that angle, because I wonder if they are like girls and there are different levels of sexual preoccupation or if it's just high across the board. I wonder if it would shock me. (either way).

The roots of this are in my moving-to-BC situation (what doesn't have roots in that these days). Rob and I were agreed that being roommates would be ideal and practical and fun, and not to mention: safe. Turns out his church leaders/bosses have a different outlook--which I respect and am more than willing to accommodate and hear out. Personally, I have no qualms about living with guys and I come from a family of very disciplined and loyal characters who make it a point in life to stick to our guns and beliefs. And I have a huge bone to pick with the "Christian culture" that puts more emphasis on hiding out from sin than confronting and defying it in Christ's name. This "spirit" of self-preservation is an evil one as far as I'm concerned, but that's a whole other story. If you think I'm a raging heretic, ask me about it sometime. I may or may not be making overstatements to offend you.

Now. Not to be a victim of my circumstances, I have decided to devote some time to figuring out whether or not I am just an ignorant secularized whore who needs the bible and a convent-apartment. 'Cause y'see, I will be the first to admit that I am a far cry from the pheromone-soaked girl who just blasted into the shop hunting for decals to complement the huge pink playboy ones she's putting on her car. Not to say I'm completely oblivious to the inherent sexuality that females possess--I've had over a decade's worth of thoughtful Betty Boop/porn star referencing reminders of the fact that I have curves, and more than enough teenage "suitors" professing their appreciation for older women--but I've made a point of focusing on a different Power in my life. And this focus I'm so used to by now makes me have to step back and squint when someone suggests I could be a threat to it.

I've been friends with several guys over the years, and I've never seen myself as a "stumbling block" to them whatsoever--I'm way too boring and plain for that kind of business. Aren't there certain girls that guys just don't think of like that? That are safe to live with and not dread? I mean, I read that Captivating book and "celebrated my femininity" and all...but I gotta say: it kind of offends me that I could be put on a shelf along with meth and internet porn. Just for being a girl. Surely not every person you set a drug in front of would be compelled to take it--surely not every male you could put me in an apartment with would have an irrepressable desire to be with me. Here is where we get to the great beast of Subjectivity.

Fair enough is a church's argument that co-ed living arrangements might not be an "appropriate witness" or could cause brothers to stumble, as such a circumstance might be construed as a gateway to sexual sin... But what about Christians taking jobs that pay ludicrous amounts of money? Isn't money even more dangerous than sex (see: The Bible and/or the actual founding force behind the sex trade industry), and yet there is no patrolling spirit in our churches discouraging the contexts that could serve as witnesses to riches and gateways to materialism. Ah, but we are much more willing to consider subjective situations when money is involved--maybe they will be good stewards and resist the temptation to build up earthly kingdoms in favor of charity and Christian influence! However, children, when it comes to sex let us just make objective blanket statements so we don't have to think too hard. "The fact is, boys have penises and girls have vaginas and obviously, 2+2=sex. What's that you say? He's a dentist and she has 6 credit cards? Well, let's hear them out."

(Just to clarify: These are just some overall observances about the modern church--no church in particular, should you think I'm being horrible and mocking Rob's church--like I said, I'd be endlessly happy to hear them out on their position.)

The bottom line is this:
I am trying to figure out whether or not I am in denial over my roles (chosen and not) in creation and this life. And I wish the church would do the same.