so snow

i'm ridiculously happy that it snowed. i love snow.

at my staff meeting today my boss told me i looked pale. i told him i'm just really white. he'd thought i was sick. but then he just figured i was lamely funny, being so matter-of-fact about being painfully porcelain. i've come to terms with it. and i figure that with this marie antoinette film coming out maybe victorian chic will come back in style...i'm all over new trends like that.

we also watched a lecture this morning on the topic of finding your ... oh i forget what it's called. "holy something." it was about discovering the thing(s) that upset and offend you/light you on fire...and using that passion to do what you're meant to do in this life...about the aligning of what might be your divine passion with God's same divine passion in that area...and using your combined forces to do something worthwhile with a life. like with Moses, how he saw his people being abused and that fire brewed up in him, and he killed an Egyptian over it in the moment...and then his offense and upset with the treatment of his people aligned with God's offense and upset over it, and well the rest is history. like, amazing earth altering history. i get sad when i see so many people my age conforming to a culturally dictated ideal at this point in life...

jen and i just had a conversation about how it's really okay (according to our standards) to work at some "high school job" at our age...because honestly, we're at a point where it's very easy to buy into the whole comfort/career/stability/normalcy thing...to become part of the machine, to zombify ourselves, to follow the pattern, to produce offspring and condition them to put all their life effort into becoming successful candidates to do the same...the other day i got unreasonably upset about the public school system and decided that i would rather educate my children in organic gardening and imagination and art than let some halfhearted robot teach them maths and sciences that would, at best, ultimately only equip them to live a life wherein they worked a mundane job that contributed to all the world's problems, while sustaining themselves with McDonalds and cultural sedatives.

it's not that i am resisting growing up. i just have a very different idea about what growing up should really be.